


Working In Retail

by Amethystina



Category: The Losers (2010)
Genre: Also fluff and some angst, Alternate Universe, Cougar shops there, Jensen works in retail, M/M, Not Actually Unrequited Love, and communication issues, and is eighteen, like you wouldn't believe, lots of pining, pining ensues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-19
Updated: 2014-12-26
Packaged: 2018-03-02 04:54:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 17,539
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2800328
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Amethystina/pseuds/Amethystina
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Working at a grocery store might not be the height of Jake's ambitions, but when you're eighteen you take what you can get. And really, it's not <em>that</em> bad when you think about it - especially not when you consider the bonus of insanely attractive patrons. Or, well, one in particular. Jake can admit that he might be staring a bit too much at that very hot, hat wearing guy, but what harm could that possibly do?</p><p>Except for Jake falling stupidly and unrequitedly in love, of course. Crap.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Crush

**Author's Note:**

> This came to be because of one of [Daggerstiletto's](http://daggerstiletto.tumblr.com/) awesome open writing prompts, found [HERE](http://daggerstiletto.tumblr.com/post/98559381851/writing-prompt-17). I have no idea why I wrote it the way I did or why it ended up being so long, but I had fun, so there's that. Also, I've always wanted to write a story where Cougar has a big family, so this is that.
> 
> A huge, MASSIVE thank you to [Jinxedambitions](http://archiveofourown.org/users/jinxedambitions) for getting me back up on my feet when I had a nervous breakdown about the quality of this fic, and for the beta work and cheerful comments. I am insanely grateful for your help. Also thank you to my regular and ever faithful beta [CarpeDentum](http://archiveofourown.org/users/CarpeDentum), who spent most of this fic aww'ing at the adorableness, I imagine.
> 
> The artsy stuff is made by me and here's my [Tumblr](http://amethystinawrites.tumblr.com/)!

 

* * *

 

Jake – being the innocent, hopeful soul that he was – had always thought that turning eighteen would be a lot cooler than it actually was. Sure, it meant that he could now do a lot of the stuff he had already been doing for a while without it being illegal, but all that did was take the fun out of doing it. It also meant more responsibilities and the risk of getting thrown into jail if he got caught doing the _other_ stuff he was doing that was still illegal, no matter how old he happened to be.

So really, eighteen didn't feel like that big of an accomplishment. More like an unwanted reminder that he wasn't a child anymore and couldn't expect a good pout to solve all of his problems. That's not to say that he didn't _try_ from time to time because, let's face it; he was adorable and could charm pretty much anyone if he put his mind to it.

Too bad his sister had missed that memo or possibly ignored it altogether ever since she turned eleven and Jake cooked one of her Barbie dolls in the microwave. For purely scientific reasons, of course, which Jess and their parents hadn't accepted as a proper excuse when it came from a seven-year-old.

It had actually seemed to disturb them more than calm them.

"Covering your ears and saying 'la la la' like a four-year-old does not change the fact that you have to go to work today," Jess chastised while kicking his shin, knowing better than to tug on the sheets wrapped tightly around him like a protective cocoon.

She had tried it once when Jake had just moved in, which had resulted in a torn sheet, two broken picture frames, three stitches and a complaint from the neighbors – all without Jake actually moving a muscle – so now she was wise enough to pick her battles when it concerned getting her baby brother out of bed. Or at least took great care to consider the logistics and tactics behind her actions before she engaged in any close range confrontations.

Jake groaned and hid under his pillow.

"I don't want toooo," he whined pathetically, but really, if the puppy eyes had failed he knew that it was just a matter of time before he'd obediently drag himself out of bed.

He might be practically addicted to sleep – as was required of him on accounts of being a teenager – but he wasn't irresponsible or lazy. Fact was that most people in his immediate vicinity would probably be grateful if he could find a way to shut off his hyperactive personality, or at the very least tone it down to a more manageable level. So far nothing short of unconsciousness seemed to affect his ability to talk nonstop about everything from the size of the average adult male stink bug to the possibility of time travel.

He was, according to statements of those unfortunate enough to have met him, a bit of a handful.

"Jake, stop being such a brat. You were the one who wanted the extra Saturday shift because you're saving up for that computer, right?"

Jake didn't have to see her to know that Jess had her arms crossed over her chest and was looking at him with big sisterly disapproval. She had it down to an art. Possibly because she had had _a lot_ of practice.

It wasn't like Jake _wanted_ to be an ass and occupy in his sister's guest room while she was busy getting her college degree – he felt pretty bad about it actually – but there wasn't anywhere else for him to go. She was pretty much the only family he had – that he wanted to acknowledge at least – and getting an apartment when you were an unemployed eighteen-year-old had been practically impossible. So staying with his sister it was, even if he was looking into college applications himself and had gotten a job since then. In retail.

Yes, he was that desperate.

It was the thought of his sister – what she had put up with since he moved in and how unselfish and kind she was even though she lost her patience sometimes – that made him get a grip. If he couldn't do it for himself he could do it for her.

"Alright, fine," he muttered, beginning the delicate procedure of extracting himself from his cocoon of blankets. "Is there coffee?"

"There's coffee," she confirmed with an amused quirk of her eyebrow.

"Oh God, I love you," he moaned with worship in his eyes. Jess made the _best_ coffee.

Jess smiled and reached out to ruffle his hair, as if he was still just her flaky, adorable little brother. Then again, maybe he was.

"I love you too, JJ."

His smile was positively dorky.

Actually, if Jake was to be honest his job wasn't all that bad. He worked at a smaller convenience store not too far from Jess' apartment so he could walk there without problem, most of the people who shopped there were kind old grannies and grandpas – or the occasional family with children – and the pay was surprisingly generous. It could have been a lot worse.

Fact was that on most days he actually quite enjoyed it, as long as it wasn't on Saturdays or Sundays when he wanted nothing more than to sleep. He loved talking to the customers and now that his trial period was over – and they were sure that he wasn't secretly a whackjob who would try to steal all the toilet brushes – he got to take several shifts at the cash register instead of just restocking shelves and organizing things out back. Jake liked a job where he got to be social on a daily basis so while there were definitely things that grated on his nerves and the occasional tricky customer he was enjoying it.

This particular Saturday was uneventful the first hour or so, until some kid accidentally smashed a jar of pickles and Jake was asked to clean up. He did so with surprising gusto, talking to the poor little girl and her mother the entire time, assuring them that it happened all the time and was no big deal. Because really, it wasn't; you had to expect things like that from time to time.

Another hour dragged by after that which Jake spent singing out of tune to the music playing from the store speakers while doing some restocking of the shelves. It wasn't until it was his turn at the cash register that time started passing with any kind of ease.

One of the main reasons that he enjoyed it so much was because he loved trying to figure people out – who they were, what they liked and what made them tick – and what better way to do that than look at their groceries? Something as simple as a person's preferences in cereals could say a lot about them. Or how that one old lady that came in every Thursday only ever bought dog food and hairnets, as if she had watched one too many Eddie Izzard stand ups. Jake was pretty certain that she was just messing with them but he had yet to find any proof. Usually though, it was more a matter of seeing who was on a diet, who had pets and what the little old ladies were giving to each other for their birthdays.

Okay, so maybe it was bordering on snooping but it wasn't like Jake ever took it any further than curious guesses inside his own head. He wasn't _that_ much of a freak, thank you very much.

Jake rang up his first couple of customers with a beaming smile and some happy chatting. Several of the regulars were used to his incurable optimism by then and knew to either just hum in the right places or – if they were feeling charitable – engage in actual conversation. The older customers always seemed surprisingly happy to do so, smiling fondly at him all the while; as if he was the grandchild they wished they had. He knew for a fact that they would probably change their mind if they were ever forced to be near him for longer than a couple of minutes at a time, but he was flattered none the less.

All in all it was a nice day at work despite how it had cut his beauty sleep short, and it took a turn for pretty fucking awesome when the automatic doors slid open and a guy Jake had never seen shop at their store before stepped in.

Jake would have remembered if he had. The man was gorgeous.

No, scratch that; he was fucking _hot_.

Latino descent, dark hair – slightly longer than most men kept it –, a bit of a beard and a firm, impeccable posture to match the nice cut of his features. It wasn't bragging though; just a steady, calm confidence that was a lot more attractive than Jake thought possible. He couldn't help staring, taking in the slightly worn but well-fitting jeans, simple dark t-shirt and, not to forget, the black cowboy hat.

Jake had never known that he had a fetish for cowboy hats, but he sure as hell did now.

The man was entirely unaware of Jake's frankly embarrassing double-take and merely disappeared behind the shelves to do his shopping. Jake turned to catch Emma's gaze – the other cashier who was a couple of years older than him but still, in some ways, on his level – and wasn't surprised to be met by the same wide-eyed look he knew had to be on his own face.

_'Oh my GOD did you see that?'_ she mimed with somewhat exaggerated lips movements. It was an accurate depiction of both her and Jake's awe however, so it was rather fitting.

_'I know!'_ he mimed back, resisting the urge to fan himself if only because a customer arrived and prioritizing his job seemed like the more responsible thing to do.

He still couldn't quite keep himself from trying to peek between the shelves from where he sat, wanting to catch a glimpse of the handsome shopper. It was only when he almost tipped his chair over and Emma snorted on a cackling laugh that he stopped. Either way it turned out that Jake didn't have to risk breaking his neck if he wanted to see more of the guy because about ten minutes later he walked up to stand at the end of Jake's queue.

Jesus. The guy was even prettier up close.

Still, as blindsided as Jake was by his newfound crush and overactive libido he was a master at hiding his nerves behind casual but energetic small talk. So when it was the hottie's turn Jake smiled as widely as he would at any other customer – ignoring Emma's amused but also slightly jealous smirk – and started ringing him up.

"Hi!"

The guy was clearly too badass to flinch, but he did seem taken aback by Jake's enthusiasm. That wasn't an uncommon occurrence however so Jake breezed past it, catching the man's gaze and trying not to blurt out something about how pretty his eyes were and how very much he'd like to know what his lips tasted like.

"Having a good day?"

The man nodded warily, as if he was trying to figure out what Jake was up to but decided to humor him until he did. He seemed to be a couple of years older than Jake – maybe mid-twenties – but probably a lot more mature in terms of manners and personality. Which, on the other hand, wasn't all that difficult. He was breathtakingly handsome anyway and the more Jake saw the more he liked him.

Well, as much as you could like someone you had just met and probably wouldn't see that often – much less actually become acquainted with.

"You know," Jake said as he continued to ring up the groceries – most of it healthy and unprocessed –, "I totally wouldn't have pegged you for a Lucky Charms kind of a guy."

That resulted in a small twitch that could have been the beginning of a smile.

"Nephews," was the short but still surprisingly informative reply.

"Ah." Jake grinned. "So what? You're going to load them full of sugar and then hand them back to their parents and watch the fireworks?"

That earned him a full-blown grin and Jake was pretty certain that he could hear angel choirs sing somewhere in the background. Oh yes, this was one hot dude and Jake was one lucky cashier.

"Something like that."

"You, my friend, are devious. Remind me never to get on your bad side," Jake replied with a grin, before offering the total of the purchase.

Jake tried very hard not to fumble with the change when he handed it back and congratulated himself on managing without any kind of mishaps. Even if their fingers might have brushed just a tiny bit, which sent a shock of arousal to his nether regions. Luckily enough for him, the register was in the way and would hide any embarrassing reactions from being spotted.

Being eighteen had its serious disadvantages.

"Have a good day," Jake said with a smile, feeling his heart skip a beat when he received one in return, accompanied with a slight tip of the man's hat.

"You too."

Oh yes, Jake had such a thing for hats now, and he didn't even bother to hide his slightly lovestruck staring as the man turned and walked out of the store.

"Smooth, Jake. Real smooth," Emma whispered from her own register.

"You're just jealous," Jake whispered back, grinning from ear to ear.

The way Emma rolled her eyes told him that yeah, she totally was, and Jake was so happy that he had let Jess drag him out of bed this morning because this, if anything, made it worth it.

The second time the Very Hot Guy came to the store was the following Wednesday. Jake was unfortunately not sitting by the cash register then but when he looked up from the restocking he was in the middle of he saw the Very Hot Guy pass further down the aisle with a woman at his side. A discreet but necessary extra glance told Jake that it had to be his mother.

They had similar features but the sprinkle of grey in her dark hair probably meant that she was a bit too old to be a sister. The biggest clue however was in the way they carried themselves. It wasn't like they had the same posture or gait, but they did seem to share that firm, unyielding confidence that was one of the first things Jake had noticed about the guy.

So obviously that came from the mother's side.

Jake tried to behave himself, but he couldn't help that his heartbeat began to race when the two split up and the Very Hot Guy came down the aisle, walking towards Jake. Of course Jake knew that it was because of something the guy wanted to buy, not Jake, but he couldn't help feeling just a bit expectant anyway.

Being eighteen and horny did that to you.

"Hi!" Jake said brightly when they were a reasonable distance from each other.

It wasn't even something out of the ordinary. Jake said hi to all of the customers no matter what he was up to, but he couldn't deny that he felt extra self-conscious about it now. His heart was thundering in his chest and it was only through holding on to the ketchup he was restocking that he could keep his hands from shaking.

For a brief second it seemed like the guy was going to ignore him. He looked up, sure, but disinterestedly and with the faintest look of annoyance on his face, but it disappeared quickly when he actually seemed to take in who had spoken, giving way for something that could be budding amusement. Jake would rather take that than annoyance.

"Hello."

Well, that was better than nothing, right?

"Having a good day?"

Jake was well aware that it was the same thing he had asked last time – and that it sounded pretty dumb – but he didn't have a lot of room to work with if he wanted to avoid seeming like an absolute creep. For once in his life he was acutely aware of how important it was to think before he spoke.

"Yes. You?"

Jake tried so, so hard not to blush, but the telltale burn on his cheeks told him that he wasn't successful at all. What was he supposed to do when an incredibly hot guy actually didn't seem to mind talking to him?

Okay, so maybe it might be out of pure politeness but the guy had actually _stopped_ to ask it, instead of just brushing past. They stood close enough that Jake could tell that he was a tiny bit taller but since he was still working on filling out his lanky frame he didn't exactly look bigger because of it.

Before Jake had time to answer there was a shout from a couple of aisles over.

"Carlito!"

And wasn't that just the most adorable thing Jake had ever heard? Especially considering the look of faint exasperation on the man's face – that same kind of fond suffering that most adults got when their parents still insisted on treating them like children – which confirmed that yes, that was indeed his mother calling for him.

The reply was delivered in rapid Spanish that Jake had no hope of following with only his basic – and pretty crappy – high school understanding of the language, but he was definitely enjoying the sound of it. Then again, the guy could probably recite the phone book and Jake would still find it hot.

The man gave him a brief smile and a polite tip of his hat.

"Excuse me."

Jake nodded dumbly and watched as the Very Hot Guy walked past him to pick something off one of the shelves before he headed back down the aisle, probably to meet up with his mother. Jake was a little disappointed; he could admit that, but the blow was softened somewhat by the glance and smile the guy gave him before he disappeared out of view.

Jake took a trembling breath, willing his heart to calm down.

Wow.

Yeah, Jake totally had the hots for that guy.

It was only when he looked down that he realized that he was still holding on to that very same bottle of ketchup like a complete idiot, almost hugging it to his chest. He banged his head against the nearby shelf, barely holding back his embarrassed groan.

Yeah, he was so smooth. Totally.

Being eighteen sucked.

"Why are you grinning?"

Jake looked up from his phone, blinking in confusion at Jess' suspicious glare.

He was in the middle of Googling possible names that Carlito could be a nickname for. He could admit that he might be pushing the line of what was creepy or not by doing so, but the need to know had been burning inside him all day and eventually, after coming home and slumping down on the living room couch, he had succumbed to it. He had no plans of _using it_ ; he just wanted to know.

For reasons.

Totally harmless ones.

Also because it made him giggle. It was just cute.

"I what?" he asked, completely dumbfounded.

"You're grinning. And not the usual mischievous one or the geeky one or even the happy one." Jess sounded almost accusing, as if she didn't like that Jake was somehow going off script. Which was a bit naïve of her since he did it on a daily basis. "You look-... infatuated."

Curse Jake and his pale complexion because he was suddenly glowing red like it was the bloody Fourth of July. And trying to pull up his shoulders in an attempt conceal his face only made Jess more aware of what he was trying to hide.

"Oh my _God_ , you _are_!" The absolute glee in Jess' voice was terrifying because Jake knew that it meant that she would stop at nothing when it came to finding out every tiny detail about it. She was ruthless like that.

Jake shifted as she threw herself down next to him, feeling surprisingly awkward and shy about the whole thing. Mostly because he knew that the infatuation was pretty pathetic to begin with. Not only was there a noticeable age difference and Jake – being the unimpressive dork that he was – didn't exactly have much of a chance to begin with, but the whole scenario might as well have been taken from a number of slash fanfics.

It was kinda embarrassing really.

"Is it that girl you work with?"

"Emma? No, she's cool an all but she's a friend. Not to mention taken already." Jake shrugged and kept his gaze resolutely on his phone, not wanting to see the look on his sister's face.

Carlos. That was probably the guy's name according to Google and Google rarely lied. Jake tried to quench the flutter in his stomach, biting the inside of his cheek to keep himself from smiling.

"So who is it? Not to be mean here but you don't exactly meet a lot of people outside of work." When Jake refused to answer Jess expanded on that thought. "Is it a customer? It is, isn't it?"

Jake didn't know how Jess did that. No matter how careful he was to keep his expression schooled she could still read him like an open book. Maybe it was some kind of superpower she had been graced with at birth since the universe wanted to be kind to her for planning to saddle her with Jake as her little brother. She needed all the advantages she could get.

"Yeah," he admitted with a sigh, "it is."

Why keep denying it?

"So, why so glum?" Jess nudged him with her elbow, snuggling up close in a way she knew he appreciated. He loved physical closeness and the smell of his sister's shampoo and the warmth of her next to him was enough to make him relax his tense shoulders.

He lowered his phone, looking at his sister with a crooked smile on his lips.

"Because he's a bit _too_ hot, you know? As in 'way out of my league' and like, a couple of years older too."

"So? That's not unusual."

Jake rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, I'm sure that I'll be a smashing success if I walk up to him and go 'hi, how about a date? I'm afraid you can't take me to a bar because it's illegal for me to drink, but you can fuck me if you want?'"

Jess snorted on a laugh.

"Well, it's certainly original." She patted his arm consolingly. "I'm afraid that's just life, JJ. Sometimes we don't get the people we want. But there's no harm in looking, right?"

He sighed and leaned his head against her shoulder.

"I guess," he mumbled morosely. "He's absolutely gorgeous. Did I mention that? Because he is."

"Oh yeah? Tell me," she urged, sounding genuinely interested.

So Jake did. And even if it made him feel like a total idiot he had a dorky, dreamy smile on his lips the entire time. But no matter, Jess seemed to find it endearing.

With his sister's advice in mind it was easier to accept that maybe he would never get to have any substantial kind of relationship with Carlos – Jake had decided to call him that inside his head if only because it was easier than the Very Hot Guy – but at least he could appreciate what he got. And that was, truth be told, enough in itself.

Carlos seemed to remember him by then which was awfully flattering considering that Jake didn't feel very memorable. Carlos even looked down at Jake's name tag the third time he came to the store, his gaze lingering just a couple of seconds longer than normal; as if he wanted to make sure that he wouldn't forget it.

Jake was glad that it said Jake instead of Jacob.

Carlos didn't talk much, but he didn't seem to mind that Jake did. He listened, nodded every now and then and sometimes replied, but more often than not he just smiled. Jake loved his smile. It wasn't always easy to lure one out of him but that just made them all the more honest and sincere. Not to mention absolutely heart-stopping. Carlos might look cool and badass at first glance – Jake didn't doubt the fact that he was too – but there was also a very real gentleness to him that shone through when he smiled.

As if the fact that he went grocery shopping with his mother – without any obvious complaints – wasn't proof enough that he was kind of a great guy.

Jake still hadn't managed to figure out if it was Carlos himself or his family that lived nearby but since he came in fairly often – if irregularly – and was most often alone it would suggest that it was Carlos. Jake tried not to get too excited about that since _he_ lived pretty close too. But so far he had never seen Carlos out on the streets, and he wasn't even sure what he would do if he actually did. Probably talk to him, because Jake was an incredibly social being and had no filter whatsoever, but he guessed he would notice if the opportunity ever arose.

Until then he could settle for seeing Carlos when he came to buy groceries, sometimes accompanied by other members of his family. At least Jake _assumed_ it was his family, judging on the way they behaved towards each other.

First it was Carlos' mother – who was even more impressive up close, despite being two heads shorter than Jake – and didn't seem to give a flying fuck about the fact that her son was clearly an adult and not at all interested in being treated like he wasn't. Carlos' father never actually showed up at the store, but he was mentioned once or twice during conversations between Carlos and his other family members. The same went for the grandparents.

Then there was the younger sister who Carlos patiently – if a bit bluntly – herded around the store with nudges, pushes and simple verbal commands because she wouldn't look up from her phone long enough to see where she was going.

Jake could totally relate. Jess did the very same thing with him when they were out shopping.

There was also a brother who could be younger or possibly one or two years older; it was honestly difficult to tell. Either way he talked pretty much nonstop – which was saying something coming from Jake – and a blast to be around. It was from him that Jake found out that Carlos was indeed called Carlos and he introduced himself as Juan. The fact that this could be shared over the register at a grocery store said a thing or two about how forward and friendly Juan was.

Jake thought Juan was awesome. Carlos only rolled his eyes whenever Juan got going however and quietly finished the grocery shopping, occasionally nodding or offering a one word reply to show that he was still listening.

It suddenly made a whole lot of sense why Carlos was so adept at dealing with Jake.

Finally there was the big sister. Or at least Jake assumed she was older because she was the mother of two rowdy twin boys and seemed to dote on Carlos in the same motherly fashion the actual mother did. Carlos didn't quite put up with it as gracefully when it came from his sister, but he never outright complained. Even if he did look almost painfully suffering at times. It was kind adorable.

Despite the fact that Jake hadn't actually been properly introduced to anyone but Juan – not even Carlos, now that he thought about it – he learned a lot about them all, just by being their cashier at the grocery store. It looked like a lovely family to be a part of.

They seemed so happy.

Jake tried to tell himself that he wasn't jealous – he had Jess and he couldn't possibly ask for a better sister – but the clench in his chest and tightness of his throat told him that maybe he was. Maybe he wouldn't have minded a doting mother, if nothing else so that Jess wouldn't have to shoulder that responsibility on top of being his sister. And a brother would have been nice, especially if it was someone like Juan who could no doubt keep up with Jake's sudden jumps in conversations and overall short attention span. And just the thought of nieces and nephews he could spoil made Jake want to grin.

But it was useless to think that way. He had his family and Carlos had his. Jake didn't know them and he shouldn't assume that he did – even if he might want to. He was just the kid who worked at the convenience store who they saw on occasion and didn't actually care that much about.

Nothing more.

He was just a face they probably wouldn't recognize if they met him outside of the setting they were accustomed to. He wasn't at all significant. They weren't a part of his life any more than he was a part of theirs.

It hurt but he made sure to remember that.

He was just the kid working at the convenience store.

 


	2. Infatuation

 

* * *

 

Jake was never one for routines. He liked spontaneity and doing things without first making plans for several weeks, but he couldn't deny that life sort of settled into a nice pace that he quite enjoyed. Working at a convenience store might not be the height of his ambitions, but it was a good way to pay the bills and to see Carlos. Not that they were actually _seeing_ each other, but Jake liked the small glimpses he could get here and there.

Months passed like this. Sometimes Carlos didn't come in for days – weeks even – in a row, so Jake figured that he travelled a lot. Possibly with work. Because when he _was_ there he came in roughly three times a week, mostly because he bought a lot of fresh perishables which usually required several smaller shopping trips rather than a couple of big ones.

It would be wrong to say that Carlos was a health freak. There were the occasional bags of chips and he seemed to have a fondness for dark chocolate and ice cream, but most of the items he purchased were at least leaning towards the healthy side of things. He seemed to buy ingredients rather than meals, and Jake wondered if it would be feeding a stereotype to assume that Carlos' mom had taught him how to cook. For all Jake knew it could be the dad.

Still, Carlos seemed to be a responsible adult with a healthy view on food. It was kind of endearing and weirdly attractive at the same time. But, as Jake had concluded before, there were very few things with Carlos he _didn't_ like. The fact that he was still listening to Jake's babble, smiling that amused but slightly fond smile of his, only served to make Jake like him more. Sure, Jake knew that Carlos probably only saw him as the quirky kid working at the local grocery store, but he remembered Jake's face and was friendly and polite every time they saw each other.

What more could he ask for?

Well, _reasonably_ ask for, at least. There was a whole lot that Jake _wanted_ to ask, but he knew better than to try. He might be an optimist and a bit of a weirdo, but he wasn't an idiot.

Why would someone like Carlos have any interest in Jake?

The answer was that he wouldn't – at all or ever – so it was wiser to just drop it, or at the very least bury it so deep down that it never saw the light of day. And it kinda worked. Jake managed. He could smile and talk to Carlos without revealing how much his hands were shaking and how butterflies were fluttering around in his stomach as soon as he saw him. There was actually a slight thrill to it.

And if it left Jake feeling really pathetic and maybe just a little bit heartbroken that he'd always have to keep it a secret, well, that was life. Just like Jess had said.

But he could deal with that. He _had_ to.

It came as a slight surprise that the first time they touched each other – beyond the occasional and accidental brush of fingers when money exchanged hands – it wasn't because of Jake. Well, it was _because_ of Jake, but he wasn't the one doing the touching.

Jake was an incredibly physical being, always gesturing wildly when he talked and casually touching people as he did so. All of it harmless and completely innocent, of course, like a hand on an arm or a pat on the shoulder. But since he started working at the convenience store he had been forced to learn not to do that as frequently as he would like. Most people didn't appreciate that kind of physical contact with strangers, and he would hate to make people uncomfortable. So he made sure not to.

Carlos was naturally included in this not only because of the personal-space-bubble issue but the fact that Jake wanted to do a whole lot of not-quite-so-innocent touching, and it was better to not make the temptation any more difficult to resist than it already was.

So when _Carlos_ touched _him_ it was enough to make Jake's brain go haywire.

Jake was putting up boxes of cereal while singing along to the music they were playing over the speakers – as was his habit – and he might have been a bit too caught up in the lyrics to notice that he wasn't alone in the aisle. Carlos didn't actually say anything – as was _his_ habit – so when Jake finally noticed Carlos was practically next to him.

Damnit that guy was stealthy.

"Holy shit!" Jake jumped in surprise, his elbow pushing several of the newly shelved boxes of cereal to the floor.

Carlos was smiling – or maybe trying not to but failing spectacularly – and without a word put down his basket on the floor to help Jake put the cereal back up again.

"Oh! No, no, you don't have to do that!" Jake hurried to say while reaching for the same carton as Carlos, bending down and trying to snatch it from him. To his surprise Carlos just grabbed his hand and looked awfully patient and kind when he caught Jake's gaze.

Jake felt pinned to the spot, far too aware of how warm Carlos' slightly calloused fingers were around his. He swallowed and prayed that he wouldn't have to open his mouth since the only thing that could possibly come out of it was an embarrassed, undignified squeak.

"I want to help," Carlos said very calmly and very clearly; as if he could tell that Jake was having a bit of a moment and his brain was far below its usual capacity.

Jake nodded mutely and felt a shiver race along under his skin and down his spine when Carlos gave Jake's hand a quick squeeze before letting go. It took a second for Jake to gain enough presence of mind to actually follow Carlos' example and put the boxes back onto the shelf, his heart jumping excitedly in his chest all the while.

And God, he was blushing. He knew he was blushing, but he hoped Carlos would attribute it to the embarrassment of having knocked something over rather than the fact that Jake had a hard time holding his teenage hormones in check.

Carlos had touched him. And as simple as the touch might have been it hadn't been short. Jake could almost feel the lingering whisper of Carlos' fingers, wrapped around his own.

Jake had it bad.

Once the last box was back where it should be Jake tried not to fidget but he couldn't quite make himself meet Carlos' eyes either, preferring to stare in the general vicinity of his own feet.

"Thank you," he mumbled, trying desperately to push down his furious blush.

"Sorry for startling you."

Jake licked his lips and looked up – against better knowledge – and was very relieved to find that Carlos was smiling. He looked kind when he smiled.

"No worries. I just didn't hear you coming, that's all." Jake shrugged as casually as he was physically able to, but that didn't say much when he was also blushing beet red.

Which was only made worse by how Carlos reached out and gently placed a hand on his arm, as if it was the most natural thing in the world.

"Have a good day," Carlos said before turning to leave, his fingers just happening to slide against the bare skin on Jake's forearm.

"Y-you too," Jake stammered, his eyes wide and cheeks burning.

Carlos merely smiled, tipped his hat and kept walking, but there was something suspiciously smug about his expression.

If Jake hadn't known better he would have thought that Carlos had done that last bit on purpose.

After that Jake had hard time holding back his delight whenever he saw Carlos. Well, even more than he had before, which was saying something. He got flustered and fidgety as soon as they spoke – even if it was just over the cash register like usual – and while he managed not to stutter or fumble too much it still had to be pretty obvious that he was completely taken with Carlos.

Emma had certainly noticed. She teased him about it relentlessly and while Jake felt a twinge of unhappiness whenever she did – since it was a reminder of how impossible it was to begin with – it wasn't like he took offense.

Carlos seemed quite fond of Jake by then, if that was even possible. Whenever Jake spoke Carlos looked so attentive – as if he actually cared about the shit Jake was saying – and more often than not maintained eye contact with a hint of a smile. For possibly the first time in his life Jake felt as if he had someone's entire attention, and there was no way to describe just how happy that made him. How _special_ it made him feel.

The fact that the one doing it happened to be the awesome, super cool guy he was hopelessly in love with, well; that was just the icing on the very awesome cake.

Sometimes it seemed like Carlos _knew_ what kind of an effect he had on Jake. Perhaps not the infatuation bit but just how excited Jake was to be the focus of his attention. And instead of being put off by it Carlos responded by giving him even more; lingering an extra second when he could, smiling just for him and listening patiently when Jake told him about what colleges he wanted to apply to and the computer he wanted to buy.

Unlike practically everyone else Jake knew – with the possible exception of his sister – Carlos seemed to _enjoy_ listening to Jake. It could just be his own wishful thinking but as long as Carlos kept coming around, ready to listen, Jake couldn't help talking to him.

He just felt so happy and so lucky and he never wanted things to change.

He should have known that he would jinx it.

It turned out that Carlos did indeed live close enough to Jess' apartment that they could accidentally run into each other on the street, but the first time it happened Jake actually wished it hadn't.

He had just finished his shift at work and since that was the case he had offered to help carry Betty's groceries home. As healthy as she was for an eighty-year-old her hip had been bothering her lately and she was one of the regulars that seemed most fond of him. He didn't mind the small detour it would entail and chatted happily with her on the way.

Not far from her apartment building Jake caught sight of a hat he would recognize anywhere, and he automatically turned his head to look, his heart already skipping a beat out of excitement. Carlos was on the other side of the street just outside one of the small but nice restaurants in the neighborhood, accompanied by an unknown woman. They seemed to be in the middle of a conversation and Jake couldn't quite look away from the hand she had placed comfortably on Carlos' arm.

She was pretty. Unbelievably pretty, in fact, with long, dark brown hair, a curvy body and nice, delicate features.

Maybe another sister? Carlos seemed to have a lot of those.

But the truth was that they didn't look related in the slightest – not like all the other members of Carlos' family that Jake had seen. And the way she pulled him close and kissed him, well, there was nothing sisterly about that at all.

It hurt.

Jake's heart squeezed and his chest seemed to constrict, making it difficult to breathe. It shouldn't have come as a surprise but it still did and it fucking _hurt_. For a couple of moments he felt completely numb – a chill settling just under his skin, pooling like a lump of ice at the bottom of his stomach – until he was able to remind himself of what he was doing.

He tore his gaze away before the kissing pair could catch him staring, and it wasn't until he happened to glance at Betty that he realized that he had stopped talking. She was peering up at him with a slightly concerned expression but he tried to ignore it, focusing instead on putting one foot in front of the other.

He tried to breathe too but it was more difficult than it should have been. And when he spoke up next – hurriedly enough to sound vaguely panicked, desperate to fill the silence – his voice might have cracked just a little bit.

He didn't look at Carlos and the woman again. He couldn't. What little he had seen so far was enough to break his heart and he didn't want to stick around and see what else might fall apart if he did.

So he swallowed and kept talking, trying to block it all out, at least until he got home.

Jess found him lying on his stomach on the couch, face buried against his crossed arms. He was actually a bit too tall to lie on their couch comfortably, but he gave it his best shot. He could hear her come in, and it didn't take her more than a fraction of a second to realize that something was wrong.

Usually Jake could pout and whine like the best of them without there being anything wrong with him, but it obviously showed – at least to Jess – when it was the real deal. She had tried to explain it once, saying that it was as if the room no longer felt as warm and welcoming as it should, but that didn't make much sense to him.

Still, he was kind of grateful that she picked up on his distress with a minimum amount of delay, crouching down next to him to place a hand on his shoulder.

"JJ?"

Jake swallowed, trying to figure out what to say that would explain just how agonizingly painful everything felt in that moment. It was as if his heart was doing its absolute best to shatter and squeeze its way out of his chest, ripping through skin, muscle and bone on the way.

"He has a girlfriend," was what he in the end found himself mumbling, his voice trembling more than he cared to admit.

To Jess' credit not only did she hear what he said despite it being muffled against his arms, but she realized who 'he' was without even having to ask. It was just a stupid crush after all and she could easily have forgotten about it over the months that had passed since he first brought it up, even if Jake had had a habit of looking stupidly happy lately.

Well, up until now, at least.

"Oh, Jake..."

Her fingers wandered into his hair and that was all it took for his shoulders to start trembling. He didn't want to cry – he was pretty certain that he didn't have the _right_ to cry – but he just felt so heartbroken and it had to come bursting out somehow.

Perhaps he could blame it on raging teenage hormones.

"She's beautiful," he whispered before choking on a sob.

God, he was pathetic.

Jess only stroked through his hair with gentle, caring fingers, probably sensing that he would continue on his own soon enough.

"I know it's stupid – I really do." He had to clear his throat to keep his voice from breaking but he wasn't sure how long he'd be able to keep it up. "I'm being s-so s-silly. It's not like anything was ever going to happen between us, I know that. I don't stand a c-chance," Jake sobbed, angry with himself for crying in the first place. He had no reason whatsoever to do that. He knew that Carlos probably didn't even consider him to be a person you could have an interest in. If not for being so much younger then the fact that he was the annoying, flaky kid who wouldn't shut up whenever he bought groceries.

Fuck. Jake was so pathetic.

"It's not his fault," he choked out, trying feebly to hold back the tears, "but it still _hurts_."

"I know, honey, I know it does," Jess replied, her voice full of the kind of compassion and understanding that only made Jake's heart crumble faster.

"I don't w-want to cry about t-this. I don't-"

"Sssh, it's okay," she interrupted softly, leaning closer and hugging him as much as she could when he refused to move or lift his head. He was shaking from the sobs, his fingers tightly clenched around the sleeves of his hoodie. "It'll be okay."

"No, it won't." He shook his head. "I'm so stupid and pathetic. I'm worthle-"

"Jacob, no," Jess said firmly, squeezing his arm. "You're the smartest person I know and you're so kind and helpful. You're everything but worthless. People love you."

He couldn't help letting out a wet, half-choked chuckle.

"Yeah, but it would be nice if it wasn't just my sister and a bunch of senior citizens."

He turned his head but since he couldn't quite see through the fog on his glasses he wasn't sure what kind of expression was on her face. Crying with glasses on was always a bad idea. It sounded like Jess might be smiling when she replied, even if it was with a tinge of sadness.

"Eventually you'll find someone, JJ. I know it feels like the end of the world right now but trust me when I say that it isn't."

He took a deep breath and nodded. As bad as it felt he knew that she was right. He could still remember what she had been like when her boyfriend of two years broke up with her and that had been an actual relationship rather than the one-sided crush Jake was clinging to.

"Hey, how about we order some pizza, take a night off and watch a couple of movies, okay?"

It was a testament to how worried Jess had to be if she offered something like that. Take-out was the kind of treat they rarely deemed affordable; not with the bills they had to pay. Jess might be on a scholarship but the apartment was an expensive one and with all the extras like electricity, water and Internet it added up to a lot in the end. They both pitched in to make sure that everything was paid off and there was little room for unnecessary expenses.

Still, he was feeling miserable enough to embrace it.

"You're the best sister ever, you know that, right?" he mumbled as he pushed his glasses aside to wipe away the lingering tears.

She smiled and ruffled his hair.

"And don't you forget it."

He doubted he ever would.

Seeing Carlos again was painful, even if Jake got several days to prepare himself for it. Jess' pep-talks had helped, but it didn't change the fact that it still felt like getting his heart ripped out of his chest knowing that Carlos was so utterly out of Jake's league that it was ridiculous.

Still, Jake had never let that stop him from being enthusiastic and friendly so he did his best to act as if everything was fine. In a way it _was_. Nothing had changed. Just because Jake had seen Carlos kiss some woman – who might not actually be his girlfriend but at least someone he seemed to enjoy kissing – didn't mean that their relationship had changed. There _was_ no relationship. Jake was still just the kid working at the grocery store.

So next time Carlos showed up Jake was all wide smiles and happy chatter like usual, ringing up the purchases without much conscious thought of what his hands were doing. And if his tone was a bit more frantic than usual and his gaze flickered to avoid actually meeting Carlos', well, who cared?

It felt as if something was pressing on Jake's ribcage, making it far more difficult to breathe than it should have been, and the subtle trembling of his hands was caused by something completely different than nervous anticipation.

"Have a good day," Jake finished – as usual – when he handed over Carlos' change, but there must have been something wrong with his smile. Or maybe it was that their eyes met for the first time since Carlos had stepped inside the store that day. Jake knew that his were just a bit too wide and possibly panicked.

Either way Carlos paused and stood there for a second, looking at Jake with a steadily growing crease between his eyebrows – as if he was seeing something he couldn't quite make sense of. Jake swallowed, feeling a wave of dread travel down his spine. He was trying not to let anything show but if Carlos intended to scrutinize him so intently Jake doubted even his skill of obfuscating and hiding behind cheerfulness would work. Carlos had no idea what was wrong – what Jake had seen – and he'd like to keep it that way.

The tense moment was broken when Carlos suddenly flinched as if in pain and took a swift step to the side. It wasn't until Jake saw the look on Betty's face that he realized that the little old lady must have slammed down the end of her cane on Carlos' foot. Or possibly hit his shin with it.

"You're holding up the queue," was her explanation, said sullenly and with a glare to match.

For a moment Carlos just looked at her. Not in anger – he was definitely not the kind of man who would be rude to old ladies – but more like confusion. As if he couldn't understand what he had done to make her so hostile.

Eventually though he offered her an apologetic and respectful nod before moving away from the register, giving Jake a quick but somewhat tense smile before doing so. Jake was both sad and grateful to see him go.

"Is he giving you trouble?" Betty asked in a sharp whisper, her usually kind eyes peering suspiciously at Carlos' retreating back.

Jake blinked.

"No. No, of course not, Betty. It's fine." He tried to smile but she didn't seem to believe him.

What was it with people and not falling for his fake smiles anymore? It had always worked before.

"You let me know if he is, you hear?"

Jake had no idea what kind of punishment Betty had in mind if he ever did but the thought of her whacking Carlos with her cane was enough to make Jake chuckle, if a bit half-choked.

"I will, Betty," he promised, "but it's nothing, I assure you."

She shook her head while Jake was busy ringing up her items, almost as if she hadn't even heard his reply in the first place.

"Don't let him get you down, boy. He doesn't know what he's missing."

Jake froze, staring at her in surprise. She might have been right there with him when Jake had seen Carlos kiss that woman, but he didn't think that she would ever bring it up. Jake's expression had probably been pretty easy to read so yeah, he could understand if she knew what was up, but for her to punish Carlos for it? Jake hadn't asked for that – no matter how well-meaning it might be – and Carlos definitely didn't deserve it.

Jake straightened in his chair.

"Betty, I'm fine and he's done nothing wrong." Jake was surprised by how stern he sounded. "Please don't be rude to him, especially not because of me."

Betty studied him silently for a couple of seconds before she nodded, somewhat reluctantly.

"If you say so."

"I do." He smiled to soften the blow somewhat. "Thank you for the concern but it's not necessary."

The look on her face said that she'd accept it for now but whether it was the last he'd hear about it was difficult to say. Jake hoped that it would be, but he wasn't stupid enough to believe it.

Carlos seemed almost tentative after that, which was both weird and unnerving. Even if Jake was smiling and talking to him Carlos didn't smile back. Instead he took to looking at Jake with something that could be steadily growing disappointment, and Jake had no idea how to deal with that.

He was _trying_ for fuck's sake. What more could Carlos ask of him?

He felt unreasonably angry because Carlos had no right to look at him like that. Jake was polite and smiled like usual. The only real difference was that Jake stuck to small talk and random facts rather than discussing himself or things that actually interested him to any major extent. Carlos couldn't possibly tell the difference between Jake babbling for the sake of talking and him _wanting_ to talk. Carlos might be good but Jake doubted that he was _that_ good.

Still, Jake missed Carlos' smile.

Being around him wasn't as easy as it used to be and something was definitely grating between them. But Jake didn't know how to fix the problem.

Jess observed him warily throughout all of this, obviously uncertain whether she would have to intervene or not. But the thing was that Jake didn't misbehave or do anything that could be deemed as unhealthy.

Well, besides the late nights in front of his computer but that he had been doing for years already.

Jess knew that there were limits to how much he would let her dote on him. Even if she was his sister they were living together as roommates and in most aspects Jake was an adult, paying his fair share of the rent and other utilities now that he had a job.

Still, Jess was obviously worried by the state of things. Even if Jake kept eating, sleeping and smiling, he was getting quieter. Jess didn't seem to know how to deal with that, which became apparent the night Jake was in the middle of making dinner and she sidled up next to him, leaning her hip against the kitchen counter.

"I know you hate it when I pry, Jacob, but I really have to ask how you're holding up."

Jacob. Yeah, she was definitely being serious.

That didn't mean that Jake had to look at her however, feeling somewhat cowardly for not doing so.

"I'm-... managing," he settled for eventually, knowing better than to lie outright. Still, there was a lot left unsaid and Jess' heavy sigh told him that she knew that as well.

"But you're not happy." It wasn't even a question.

Jake paused for a second, letting those words settle.

"No," he replied, "I'm not."

"Maybe you should tell him tha-"

"No!" Jake stared at her, eyes wide. "Are you nuts? I can't tell him!"

Jess pursed her lips and Jake could see the stubbornness in her. He both feared and admired it, but right now he mostly felt annoyed.

"Why?" she challenged, chin raised almost defiantly.

" _Why_? You know why! I'm virtually a stranger and he's obviously into girls-"

"Just because you saw him with _one_ girl you're going to make assumptions about his sexual preferences?" she shot back, just as fiercely. And okay, she had a point but Jake wasn't all that keen on admitting it to her.

"He would hate me." Jake gritted his teeth, his anger being softened somewhat by the despair. He didn't want Carlos to hate him.

"Jake, I'm not telling you to ask him out – I'm telling you to clear the air." Jess crossed her arms over her chest. "Even if he's not interested – and I'm not saying that he is or even should be because from what I hear he's a lot older than you – but sometimes it's better to say it just to have it said. Then at least he'd know why you're acting weird."

Jake blanched.

"How do you know I've been-"

"Because I know _you_ , you idiot." She frowned, shaking her head softly. "You think you're so good at hiding what you feel but it shows when you're unhappy, okay? Maybe he can't tell _why_ you are but if he's anywhere near as observant as you claim that he is he must have noticed."

It was possible. Carlos had seemed more uncertain lately – which in itself had to be a bit of an anomaly – always careful not to push too much. But it could also be that he was just uncomfortable around Jake. There was no way to tell the difference unless Jake asked and he was so not prepared to do that.

"Just think about it, okay? Because it might actually make you feel better, even if he shoots you down afterwards." She sighed, her gaze softening. "You've never liked to keep things bottled up, Jake, and this is no different. I think it's eating you up from the inside."

Jake couldn't deny that. Moping wasn't really his style and this was beginning to feel almost unbearable.

He swallowed, scratching his neck.

"I-... I'll think about it," he relented eventually.

Jess did have a point. As much as it terrified him Jake knew that admitting to his infatuation might be the best thing at this stage. Maybe.

"Good." Jess straightened from where she stood and patted his arm. "Whatever you choose I'll still be here with you, okay?"

Jake nodded, his throat a little tight. She seemed to understand how grateful he was anyway, offering him a tiny – if a bit tense – smile before leaving the kitchen so that he could continue with dinner. Jake stood there swaying for a couple of seconds before he was able to snap himself back to the present.

He knew that Jess had a point. She really did. But that didn't stop him from feeling terribly scared at the thought of telling Carlos about how he might be more than a little in love with him. What kind of reaction could he expect to get? It was near impossible to tell since Carlos was such a tricky person – guarded but at the same time emotional.

The mere thought of it filled Jake with dread.

So he wasn't ashamed to admit that it was a bit of a relief when Carlos didn't return for a couple of days, obviously away on one of those trips of his. It meant that Jake could focus on work, his school applications and mull over Jess' advice without feeling like his heart was being ground into dust.

It still wasn't _easy_ but he could make do.

Being in love with an almost total stranger wasn't nearly as fun as romance novels and fanfiction made it out to be.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you didn't expect me to fix it in the second chapter. If anything I just made it worse x'D I'm having so much fun writing teenage angst. I mean, it's no less real than any other kind of angst, but it's refreshing since I don't do it all that often. So the scene between JJ and Jess might actually be one of my favourites in this fanfic.
> 
> And now I'm going home to celebrate Christmas with my dad - and his dogs - and then New Years with my mom - and her dog. Because dogs. Take care, lovelies! And Merry Christmas if you celebrate it!
> 
> [CarpeDentum](http://archiveofourown.org/users/CarpeDentum) and [Jinxedambitions](http://archiveofourown.org/users/jinxedambitions) betaed!


	3. Love

 

* * *

 

Jake never knew where Carlos went on his trips or what he did while he was away. But if Jake were to make some educated guesses based on everything he had seen about Carlos so far – and if it was indeed work that called him away – he would say some kind of military missions.

Perhaps it was because of how Carlos always seemed so alert and aware of everything in his surroundings or maybe it was the way he moved and carried himself, but Jake had a hard time picturing him doing anything else. And if he was military and left on irregular missions – both in terms of length and the time between them – he wasn't just a regular soldier. Jake hadn't bothered to research because he felt that it might be bordering on too creepy again, but he was willing to bet that it was some kind of Special Forces deal.

He could definitely imagine Carlos being badass enough to pull it off.

Even with this information stored somewhere in his brain Jake was still shocked when Carlos eventually returned after a little more than three weeks and did so in less than stellar condition.

Jake had just finished his shift, having spent the last hour organizing things in the back, and was stepping out through the staff entrance when he caught sight of Carlos leaving the store. Jake's first impulse was to duck for cover and wait until they might not accidentally bump into each other, but then he saw the sling. And the slight limp to Carlos' gait. And the way his grip on the grocery bag was precarious at best.

Before Jake had time to stop himself, he was jogging over to Carlos, concern pulsing through him in a steady beat.

"Hey, man, you okay?" he asked, almost reaching out to help steady the bag on pure reflex.

Carlos looked up and Jake had to bite the inside of his cheek not to ask about the white butterfly bandage on Carlos' forehead, just below the brim of his hat. He looked like shit. Well, still hot in some weird and probably mildly unsettling way, but definitely in pain. Carlos tried to hide it, oh, did he ever, but Jake could tell.

"I'm fine."

That was clearly a lie and Jake took a step closer, reaching out for Carlos' grocery bag.

"Let me help you."

Carlos frowned and gave him an insulted, disapproving look. He seemed inches from pulling the bag out of Jake's reach, which probably had more to do with Carlos' pride than anything else.

"Don't be like that. I'm only trying to help," he chastised sternly before making another attempt, feeling quite grateful when Carlos rolled his eyes and relented. The tension between them was still there but Jake was willing to ignore it when Carlos was in such obvious need of assistance – whether he liked to admit it or not. "You got hurt during your mission?"

Carlos gave him a sharp look, which was no less effective just because he had his left arm in a sling and a bandage on his forehead. Jake swallowed and inched backwards, clutching Carlos' grocery bag.

"I just-... assumed that's what you were doing. When you're away, I mean." Jake felt nervous, afraid that he had overstepped his bounds. "I know you never said anything but I figured you are some kind of soldier?"

A tense second followed before Carlos closed his eyes and let out a slow exhale. His shoulders dropped slightly, as if he was forcing himself to relax. He looked exhausted.

" _Sí_ , I am. I got shot."

Jake felt something inside him clench and he was glad for the grocery bag he was holding; otherwise he might have tried to reach out and touch Carlos just to make sure that he was really there. It was suddenly terrifying to think of the kind of danger Carlos put himself in. How often had he been injured when he came back, without Jake noticing?

"Is it bad?" While that might sound like a stupid question Jake knew that there were different kinds of bullet wounds and varying degrees of severity. A bullet hitting bone was worse than one just passing through flesh.

"Could have been worse," Carlos replied. Under normal circumstances he would probably have shrugged but Jake assumed that it had to hurt now. Jake couldn't help wondering if it was Carlos' arm or shoulder that had gotten hit but he probably wouldn't find out unless he was bold enough to ask. For once he wasn't, already feeling like he was walking on thin ice what with the tense look on Carlos' face.

They hadn't exactly parted on good terms, even if it hadn't been spoken out loud.

"I'll help you carry this home," Jake offered. He didn't have the heart not to, no matter how uncomfortable it might make him.

Someone from Carlos' family would probably show up soon to help take care of him while he was injured – Jake couldn't imagine that they _wouldn't_ – but until then Jake would have to do. Surely they could put up with one another for another couple of minutes?

Carlos only gave him a long, steady look before he turned to walk in what Jake assumed was the direction to his apartment. It was probably as close to an agreement as Jake was going to get so he followed, making sure to match Carlos' pace. It wasn't slow by any means – the limp wasn't all that noticeable unless you were as aware of Carlos as Jake was – but it felt like the polite thing to do.

Things were undeniably awkward between them.

Jake couldn't think of anything to say so they walked in silence and most of the time he couldn't even see the look on Carlos' face because his hat hid it from view. Jake wasn't sure where everything had gone wrong, even if he had had three weeks to think through the things that had happened between them before Carlos went away.

Right now it seemed like Carlos disliked being in his mere presence, which wasn't exactly unheard of. Expected, really. No one had the patience to put up with Jake for very long and Carlos had already managed well beyond what most people would. But he had been so kind and patient before that. And the widening chasm between them seemed to be Jake's fault more than Carlos', since it had occurred only after Jake had started to distance himself.

Maybe Jake had to face the fact that he was only pushing Carlos away with his fake cheerfulness.

Jake was so caught up in his own thoughts that he almost missed it when Carlos walked up to what had to be his apartment building and pulled out his keys. To be honest it surprised Jake that Carlos hadn't protested more when Jake offered to help him, but he decided not to dwell on it, stepping in behind Carlos and following him up one flight of stairs. It probably wasn't a good idea for Carlos to be walking up stairs but Jake knew better than to point that out.

Carlos unlocked the front door and held it open for Jake to pass.

"Kitchen to the left."

Jake nodded, trying to ignore just how tight his throat was.

The apartment was a bit of a surprise to tell the truth, but at the same time not at all. Jake could tell that at some point in time it had been pretty much barren – just the essentials without much personal touch – but colorful details had been added here and there and in such a disorganized fashion that it was obvious that someone had taken it upon themselves to liven the place up, one small step at a time. Jake was willing to bet that it was Carlos' family, because there were so many conflicting tastes and influences that he doubted that only one person could be responsible for it.

Amazingly enough it still didn't clash, possibly because it was obvious that a lot of love had gone into each and every added piece of furniture and decoration. And the fact that Carlos had kept it all, well, that was just endearing enough to make Jake smile.

He obediently placed the grocery bag on the spotless kitchen counter before turning to face Carlos.

"Nice place."

It really was. Not too small or too big and just clean enough to give a sense of neatness without being sterile. It suited Carlos rather nicely.

"Well-" Jake cleared his throat and gestured awkwardly towards the door "-I should get going."

"Wait."

It sounded closer to a request than a demand and Jake stopped before he had taken as much as a step. Carlos was standing so that Jake could easily reach the door if he wanted to, and Jake was pretty sure that wasn't just by accident. Carlos was treating him like a skittish horse – and maybe he was right to do so.

"What's wrong?" Carlos asked, that soft, concerned frown making a reappearance.

Jake had not expected that.

"Wrong?" he echoed, somewhat confused.

Carlos nodded, his posture looking deceptively relaxed compared to the look in his eyes. It wasn't nearly as uncomfortable as Jake felt but it was obvious that both of them were feeling a little out of balance.

"You don't talk anymore," Carlos said, voice firm despite the almost frustrated concern he was showing. As if he was trying to understand but couldn't.

That was just about the weirdest thing Jake had ever heard and his expression must have showed as much.

"What do you mean? I talk all the time." He wasn't sure whether to feel insulted or worried, especially when Carlos began looking annoyed.

"You used to." Carlos seemed to be searching for words to appropriately describe the point he was trying to make. Had he been someone else he might have been waving or pacing but now he just looked up at Jake and held his gaze firmly. "But now you hold back. Something is _different_."

"Okaaay." Jake frowned. "That makes no sense."

Although in a way maybe it did. Jake knew that he had started to avoid mentioning things that actually mattered to him, slowly but surely shutting Carlos out.

Oh.

_Oh_.

Wait, what? Carlos actually noticed? All on his own? Just how well did Carlos know Jake exactly?

"Are you mad at me?" Carlos asked, clearly unaware of Jake's whirling thoughts.

"What? No!" Jake exclaimed once he realized just what Carlos was implying. He hurried to continue, "No, of course not."

"Am I making you uncomfortable?"

What kind of question was that? Carlos hadn't done anything that could make Jake uncomfortable –not in the way Carlos was referring to. He made it sound like he had been making unwanted advances.

"No." Jake shook his head. "I'm not even sure why you would ask that."

It felt as if they were having two different conversations.

"Then what is it? Have I done something?"

Damn, Carlos was fucking persistent when he wanted to get to the bottom of things.

"No, you haven't done anything. And nothing is wrong," Jake lied.

He couldn't exactly come out and say what was really bothering him, could he? Even if Carlos might not get mad at him it would still be the end of whatever weird, half-friendship they shared. Then again, the tension between them was doing an equally fine job of that.

"You're lying." Carlos looked decidedly unhappy about that fact and Jake couldn't exactly blame him. He _was_ lying.

"I just don't think that you'll appreciate the truth," Jake said weakly, trying to postpone something that seemed to become more and more inevitable.

Jake was toying with the idea of just making a mad dash for the door to avoid this conversation altogether, but he wasn't stupid enough to think that it would actually help in the long run. Carlos could easily find him again and demand to hear the rest.

His options were diminishing rapidly and Jake was beginning to feel cornered.

"Why wouldn't I?" Carlos demanded to know. Had he been able to he would probably have crossed his arms over his chest but the sling complicated things. Now he seemed to settle for a stare that was both commanding and slightly reprimanding.

Jake shifted nervously and cleared his throat.

"I just-... it's for your sake, I promise. I'm not trying to be an asshole about this – I'm really not – but it's better this way."

Carlos gave him an outright insulted look.

"No, it's not." He sounded awfully sure about it but Jake couldn't quite figure out why Carlos would care so much. Before Jake had time to try and weasel his way out of it Carlos spoke up again. "I want to know."

Jake almost choked on a desperate, humorless laugh.

"No, you really don't," he said, inching a little closer to the door.

"I do," Carlos persisted.

"Carlos, you have no idea-"

"Tell me," Carlos interrupted firmly – bordering on angry – and Jake just didn't have the energy to keep arguing.

That was the first time he had said Carlos' name out loud. He had been so careful not to before because it was Juan who had given it to him, not Carlos, and it felt wrong to use it. Carlos might not even know that Jake knew his name.

Either way Jake took one look at the stubborn set of Carlos' jaw and decided to just fuck it all. If Carlos was so certain that he wanted to know and could deal with the fallout then Jake would tell him.

Or better yet; show him.

Without so much as a warning, Jake stepped up close and pressed his lips to Carlos'. He didn't actually dare to touch him beyond that – which made it a bit awkward – but the kiss was enough to send a delighted shiver down Jake's spine. Carlos' beard tickled just a little bit and the kiss was somewhat off-centre because Jake hadn't exactly had time to aim all that well, but it was still nice.

Then again, it was only Jake's second kiss – his first being Lindsay Bowden when he was sixteen and completely out of his depth – so he didn't have a whole lot to compare it with. Come to think of it, he wasn't any _less_ out of his depth here. Carlos was probably five or six years older than him at the very least and experienced enough that Jake's chaste attempt at a kiss had to seem laughable.

That thought hit hard and caused a painful enough clench in Jake's chest for him to pull back as if burnt. What was he thinking?

But at the same time he wasn't sad. Embarrassed and possibly humiliated, sure, but he had done what Carlos asked, nothing more. So Jake cleared his throat and straightened his spine, trying to look a lot more confident than he actually felt. He refused to seem weak.

"Now you know," he said simply, ignoring how his voice squeaked just a little and was pitched all wrong.

Carlos didn't seem to be fairing much better, looking as close to dumbstruck as Jake had ever seen him. It passed within seconds however and Jake could see when realization dawned on Carlos, a confused frown starting to form.

Shit.

This was the part he didn't actually want to stick around for. If Carlos disliked it he could simply make sure to avoid Jake at the grocery store.

So, being the huge coward that he sometimes was, Jake decided to flee.

"I'll see you around," was all he said – before Carlos had time to do more than open his mouth to speak – and promptly rushed to the door. Carlos was far too injured to be able to keep up.

Carlos might have called for him to stop but Jake decided to write it off as his own wishful thinking. He needed to get out, gather his thoughts and possibly migrate to Canada; not necessarily in that order.

This was not what he had thought would happen when he offered to help Carlos with his groceries and Jake had no idea what would come next. He had stomped all over his carefully laid plans on how to keep his infatuation a secret – it had to be pretty fucking impossible _not_ to know about it now – and his mind was still reeling, trying to catch up to what had just happened.

He had just kissed Carlos.

Holy shit.

That evening Jess came home to find Jake sitting on the couch hugging a pillow. Being the amazing big sister that she was she seemed to understand immediately that some kind of emergency was at hand. She was probably not prepared, however, to have Jake blurt it out before she even had time to open her mouth.

"I kissed him."

She froze in surprise, staring wide-eyed at him for a couple of seconds.

"You... kissed him? _Him_? As in the guy you have a crush on?"

Jake nodded, gnawing on his bottom lip. Jess took a deep breath before taking a seat next to him on the couch. It was becoming a thing. Jake was still hugging the pillow, his knees drawn up and socked feet nervously tapping against the couch cushion.

"I thought you weren't going to say anything?" she asked, careful not to add any kind of judgment into the question.

"I wasn't. But then he kept pushing me-"

"Whoa, whoa," Jess interrupted, her voice sharpening into her special brand of fierce, big sisterly protectiveness. "Pushing how?"

"Not like that." Jake rolled his eyes. "He had no clue what he was getting himself into. He just wanted to know why I was acting differently. I told him he didn't but he persisted and... well, I kissed him." Jake shrugged. "So now he knows why I've been acting weird."

Jess was silent for a couple of seconds, taking it all in.

"Wow. I seriously didn't think you'd have the balls to do that."

"Neither did I," Jake admitted with a slightly hysterical giggle. Jess looked understandably concerned.

"So how do you feel?" It was obvious that she was dreading the answer.

He took a moment to really think on that, hugging the pillow tight while staring out into nothingness. It was honestly a bit confusing.

"I thought I was going to feel bad about it... or at least afraid. But for some weird reason I'm not all that upset." He looked at her. "I feel relieved. Because now it's out there and whatever happens happens, right?"

She smiled and patted his knee, letting her hand linger so that he could feel the warmth of her palm.

"Yeah, pretty much," she confirmed.

"I mean, I don't feel _happy_ exactly because he might start ignoring me, and I kinda hate myself for being such an idiot – and kissing him without permission because that's a dick move if I ever saw one –, but... what's done is done."

Silence settled between them.

"You're taking this surprisingly well," Jess pointed out after a couple of seconds.

"Yeah, well, I think I might still be in shock," Jake replied distractedly. "Ask me again in a couple of hours."

"Will do." Jess patted his knee before getting up. "I'm making dinner. Let me know if anything changes, alright?"

Jake nodded and let her ruffle his hair on the way to the kitchen.

Truth was that he couldn't say for sure if he had really grasped it all. He should probably feel more upset than he did since he might very well have ruined his relationship with Carlos, but at the same time he wasn't even sure what it was that he might have ruined. What were they really? Acquaintances? Friends?

Carlos seemed to care a bit more than Jake had given him credit for but that didn't say much since Jake hadn't expected anything except maybe a smile or two. He _hoped_ for more but didn't expect it.

So where did that leave them? Especially after Jake had kissed Carlos and not so smoothly fled the scene. The latter was perhaps not his wisest decision – nor was the former, now that he was being honest with himself – but he felt that he couldn't be blamed for freaking out either. It wasn't often you kissed a special ops operative several years older than you when you didn't actually know each other all that well. Sure, Jake had already met the family – technically at least – but in the right context it didn't say much.

In the end there was nothing he could do but wait and hope for the best and at this point in time he wasn't even sure what 'the best' would be. He'd settle for not getting the crap beaten out of him – which probably wouldn't happen since Carlos was injured and too nice of a guy anyway – but Jake couldn't deny that a tiny part of him was innocently hopeful. It was ludicrous, he was the first to admit that, but maybe, just maybe, they could still be friends.

If that was what they were in the first place.

It didn't surprise Jake that Carlos came to the store three days later and asked for him. Or, well, in a way it did since three days was actually longer than Jake thought it would take, and he had no idea what Carlos had been doing during those three days. Then again, the man was injured so he had hopefully been resting.

Either way Jake tried to clamp down on his initial panic when a slightly confused Emma came to tell him that the hot, hat-wearing customer was asking for him. Three days had given Jake ample time to go through the entire emotional spectrum of panic, fear, sadness and dread, and as patient as Jess was she was definitely tired of the constant mood swings he now had _on top_ of the ones usually associated with teenage hormones. So was Jake, to tell the truth, which was why he straightened and went to meet Carlos.

It was a relief to see that Carlos looked better, if only marginally. His arm was still in a sling but the butterfly bandage on his forehead had been removed, showing a somewhat nasty but healing cut. His posture wasn't quite as firm as it usually would be either, but he looked less tired and haggard which was something.

Jake couldn't help his nervous smile when he stopped several feet away, as if he was just a tiny bit afraid of stepping close.

"Hello." He congratulated himself on keeping his voice steady.

"We need to talk."

Right down to business. Jake could roll with that, even if he had to swallow down his nerves and clench his fists tightly not to fidget. He was going to be mature about this.

"Sure. We can go out back."

He didn't want to use the staff room since there was a risk that someone could walk in and he was pretty certain that he didn't want an audience for what was to come. Carlos didn't look angry but that was mostly because his expression was practically unreadable and his gaze distant.

Jake led them to one of the most secluded sections out back, knowing that at least he would appreciate the privacy. When he turned to face Carlos Jake's heart was thundering in his chest but he tried to keep as calm as possible. He was nervous. God, was he ever. But once again, Carlos didn't look angry and that was definitely something to be grateful for. Fact was that he had relaxed some once they had left prying eyes behind and was looking at Jake with a thoughtful look on his face.

Jake ran a hand through his hair and crossed his arms loosely over his chest, mostly to keep himself from fidgeting.

"Sooo..." He wondered just how annoyed Carlos would be with him if he tried to play dumb. Jake didn't want to talk. But at the same time he did. Or maybe he just didn't want to hear the verdict.

"How old are you?"

The question took him by surprise and he couldn't help frowning in confusion.

"Uh... eighteen. Nineteen in three months. Why?"

Carlos muttered something under his breath in Spanish – something about hell or some such –, but Jake couldn't be sure. The look of resignation on Carlos' face made him swallow.

"I'm... sorry?" he said hesitantly, not really sure what he had done. Then it clicked. "Oh! It's legal, don't worry. You-... _I_ didn't do anything illegal by kissing you. I mean, kissing isn't illegal even if I had been seventeen, but... yeah. I'm totally legal."

The look Carlos gave him seemed to say that Jake was being a bit stupid, which was rather insulting since he was just trying to put Carlos at ease. Jake pursed his lips, feeling surprisingly defiant.

"How old are _you_?" Few people had probably managed to sound so petulant and challenging while asking that question.

For some reason Carlos seemed to be struggling against a smile.

"Twenty-four."

Was that too much of an age difference? Carlos was two years older than Jess so _she_ would probably think so. Jake quickly reined his thoughts in, knowing that he was getting way ahead of himself.

As reluctant as he was to talk a part of Jake honestly wanted to get it all out in the open – just like Jess had recommended. Which was why it came as no surprise that Jake ended up blurting it out without any kind of prompting. He just wanted to get it over with.

"I might have crush on you." He was such an idiot. But it did feel better having admitted it out loud. "Only it's a bit of an understatement to say that. I'm totally in love here but I mean, let's face it, I'm eighteen and you're, well-..." Jake waved at Carlos in general, trying somehow to summarize Carlos' brilliance in a simple hand gesture. Unsurprisingly enough it didn't quite work and only earned him a dubiously raised eyebrow from Carlos. "You're a bit out of my league so I wasn't going to say anything."

Carlos tilted his head to the side, looking almost adorably confused. Jake kept going before Carlos had time to interrupt.

"But honestly though, I'm sorry for kissing you because it was definitely without your consent and that was inconsiderate of me." He looked down at his feet, his hands fiddling with the hem of his work shirt. "Sorry."

"Jake."

As silly as it might be Jake couldn't help that his heart skipped a beat. Had Carlos ever said his name before? Jake was pretty certain that he would have remembered if that had been the case.

When he looked up he did so almost shyly, not sure what to expect. To his relief Carlos was smiling. Not widely and it seemed to have a definite hint of tentativeness, but probably more for Jake's sake than Carlos'.

"You thought I didn't know?"

Jake stiffened, trying not to show how terrified that single sentence made him feel. He couldn't think of a single thing to say.

"I knew you were interested. That's why I flirted back." Carlos' smile was crooked but also a tiny bit tired. Resigned, almost. "You obviously didn't realize that."

Come again?

If Jake had had any kind of filter or impulse control he would probably have been a bit smoother than he actually ended up being. Jake really had a hard time believing that Carlos would settle for someone like _him_ when he was obviously able to land himself gorgeous, voluptuous women.

"You're trying to tell me that this thing is mutual?" Jake asked incredulously, before he even really managed to grasp what Carlos had said. "Like, you being interested back?"

He received a nod in reply and it was enough to blow his mind for a brief second.

Wow.

No wonder Carlos seemed so confused.

He thought Jake had been flirting. And okay, maybe he had been – mostly by blushing like a twelve-year-old – but Jake sure hadn't thought that Carlos would flirt _back_. Which might have been why he missed it entirely. And when Jake started pulling back Carlos must have thought that Jake had either lost interest or had found the advances unwanted. At which point Jake had turned right around and kissed him.

They really _had_ been having two different conversations back at Carlos' apartment. Carlos had wanted to discuss the sudden change in their – to him – obvious courting while Jake had been several steps behind thinking Carlos hadn't noticed that Jake wanted it in the first place.

Talk about a mess.

Still, there was one issue Jake felt needed to be addressed.

"What about the girl?" Carlos' quizzical look was enough for Jake to elaborate. "I saw you-... uh... kissing a woman a couple of weeks back. I figured she might be your girlfriend or something."

Jake felt awkward when he said it, even if he knew that it had to be done.

"When was this?"

Jake swallowed, looking down at his feet.

"A couple of days before I started acting weird. I mean, when I saw you together I figured I was just deluding myself and decided to back off, because how could I possibly compete with someone like _her_? And Betty was there with me, which was why she was so nasty towards you – still sorry about that by the way – and I just-"

"Jake."

It took a second before he actually dared to look up.

"It was just a date." Carlos said it very clearly, as if to avoid any kind of misunderstandings. "She's not my girlfriend."

Jake could admit that it made him feel almost embarrassingly relieved. And he couldn't exactly begrudge Carlos for dating. He and Jake had no obligations or commitments to each other.

"You only ever flirted," Carlos explained, voice soft. "I figured that was all you wanted."

Which, yeah, made sense. In a way.

"Why didn't _you_ do something?" Jake couldn't help asking, feeling a tiny bit defiant.

Carlos gave him an even look.

"You're eighteen." It wasn't said like an insult, more like an explanation, and a surprisingly informative one at that.

"Oh. Yeah. I guess that might have looked... bad."

To put it mildly. Jake was obviously a lot younger and without an assurance that he was interested in more it could seem like Carlos was trying to pressure Jake's young, impressionable mind to agree to something he wasn't ready for.

This was all so weird. But at least they were having the same conversation now. Too bad it left Jake feeling dazed and confused. Carlos had been flirting back. It had been mutual all along and Jake had been so sure that he didn't have a chance that he didn't even see it.

They seriously needed to get better at communicating.

"Can I take you to dinner?" Carlos asked all of a sudden.

Did that count as an improvement in communicating?

The silence was so deafening that Jake couldn't even hear himself breathe. Then again, that could be because he might actually have _stopped_ breathing.

"You-... wait, what? Dinner?" Jake pointed at himself, as if there was someone else Carlos might be referring to and he needed to make sure. "Me?"

Carlos rolled his eyes.

"Yes, you. I am offering to feed you."

"It's not a pity dinner, is it? Because I don't want that."

This somehow seemed to amuse Carlos. He shook his head, a small and slightly crooked smile on his lips.

"No pity dinner." It didn't look like he was lying.

"It's _dinner_ dinner?" Jake needed to make sure. He was still trying to make all the pieces fit inside his head. "Like, date dinner? I'm asking because I'm having a hard time grasping this and I want us to be on the same page."

Carlos took two steps closer, stopping just outside Jake's personal bubble; which was pretty much non-existent to begin with. Jake felt that he was entirely justified in how he swallowed thickly, a nervous – but delighted – thrill shooting down his spine.

"Yes," was all Carlos replied.

"Yes this is a date or yes we're on the same page?"

That rewarded him with one of Carlos' pleased but affectionate smiles.

"Both."

Jake let out a slow exhale, trying to curb the excitement bubbling inside of him. This was going a whole lot better than he had even dared to dream of.

"Wow. You're actually asking me out on a date. Like, me and you." Jake gestured between them, his hands a bit more uncoordinated than usual. It didn't take long before his face cracked up in a wide, goofy grin. "You can't buy me a drink though. That's still illegal."

Carlos gave him a dry look.

"Thank you. I am well aware."

Okay, so maybe not talk about the age difference. It seemed to make Carlos vaguely uncomfortable, which perhaps wasn't so strange. Jake had no idea how old Carlos' youngest sister was but if he were to guess he'd say somewhere around Jake's age. And yeah, that was probably a little awkward.

Jake cleared his throat and pushed his glasses higher on his nose, trying to hold back some of his growing giddiness. But really, he was practically vibrating with it – and it hadn't passed Carlos by, judging by the look on his face. He seemed to find Jake rather entertaining.

"Can I ask one more thing?" Jake licked his lips, barely keeping himself from weighting back and forth on his heels in an attempt to dispel some of the energy he was bottling up inside.

Carlos chuckled before nodding.

"Can I get a kiss?" Jake mumbled breathlessly. "Because that first one was pretty shitty and I think we both know it. But I'm also pretty confident that I'm much better at it than it might have-"

Jake fell silent and snapped his mouth shut with a clack when Carlos stepped even closer, to the point that Carlos' arm – the one he had resting across his stomach in its sling – brushed against Jake.

"Just one?" Carlos practically _purred_.

The amount of teasing affection in those two simple words was almost enough to get Jake hard. Then again, he was eighteen and not exactly difficult to turn on.

"For now," Jake squeaked somewhat unattractively, "until I know how much I can handle."

Right now he wasn't sure if he'd even make it through one without embarrassing himself. Carlos didn't laugh though, even if his eyes held a certain amount of mirth. He reached up with his uninjured hand, letting his thumb run along Jake's jaw, agonizingly slow and gentle.

"Relax, Jake."

That was easy for Carlos to say; he wasn't the one being fondled.

Jake swallowed but nodded, taking a trembling breath when Carlos leaned even closer, giving Jake ample time to moved back if he didn't want it. But he did. Oh God, did he ever. He barely even dared to breathe, his heart beating out a rapid tattoo in his chest while he tried to keep his hands out of the way, afraid of breaking the spell somehow.

He was so nervous he didn't know what to do.

"Relax..." It was whispered so close to Jake's lips that he could almost feel it.

His eyelids seemed to close on their own accord when Carlos' hand settled – still light and so utterly gentle –, his fingers following the curve of Jake's neck. Carlos' breath tickled against Jake's lips and in that exact second everything seemed to still, as if to better allow Jake to appreciate the absolute perfection of the moment. He could feel the press of Carlos' arm between them, the warmth radiating off of him and hear his own heart stutter excitedly in his chest.

When Carlos finally kissed him it was just a soft press of lips at first, but not for the sake of being careful or tentative. It seemed more like Carlos wanted to cherish it – to draw it out and make it linger for as long as possible. The absolute reverence in it made Jake's breath hitch and it felt as if electric sparks were suddenly dancing under his skin, setting his blood alight.

A sweep of Carlos' thumb along Jake's jaw sent a shiver down his spine and he opened his mouth and dear _God_ that was Carlos' tongue. The tiny, needy sound Jake made was frankly embarrassing but he couldn't help it. This was unlike anything he had ever experienced – literally – and he couldn't be quite sure that he wasn't trembling when he leaned in for more. He was shy when his tongue met Carlos' but Jake never got the feeling that they were in any kind of rush.

The pace was slow and languid, causing a tight, burning squeeze in Jake's gut that made him moan helplessly. It wasn't just the fact that he was kissing Carlos or all the obvious sensations – the taste, the slick feel of Carlos' tongue against his and his own raging heartbeat – but everything surrounding it too. The utter gentleness in how Carlos' cradled Jake's head. How unhurried the kiss was, giving Jake enough time to learn and adapt without getting overwhelmed. How sweet and caring Carlos was as he guided Jake through it all.

Jake's heart was pounding and his head spinning and he wasn't sure if he had ever been happier.

He raised his own hand, shaking as it might be, to brush against Carlos' jaw and feel the tickling touch of his hair against his fingertips. Jake hadn't known that something so simple could feel so amazing.

When Carlos eventually pulled back – just as slow and careful as everything else – Jake could barely breathe. His entire body seemed to be set alight from within and his chest was tight with so much yearning and affection that he didn't know what to do with it all. His breath trembled when he eventually dared to inhale, opening his eyes to meet Carlos' warm, brown gaze.

"Good?"

Jake didn't trust his ability to speak and merely nodded. He was tingling from his fingertips to the soles of his feet and he was too dazed to even smile.

"You okay?" Carlos thumb caressed Jake's cheek, his voice filled not with concern but simple, genuine care. As if he just wanted to make sure that Jake was happy and content.

Jake nodded again, his fingers touching Carlos' collar, the seam on his shoulder and finally back to follow the line of his jaw.

"Yeah," Jake croaked, his voice not carrying as well as he had expected. He swallowed, still feeling the lingering taste of Carlos on his lips. "I'm perfect," he replied softly, completely mesmerized by the tenderness in Carlos' eyes. He couldn't get enough of it.

Carlos' smile had to be the softest Jake had ever seen.

" _Bueno_."

Jake could do nothing more than smile back, helplessly lovestruck.

The weeks and months that followed were a mildly chaotic but blissful time in Jake's life.

Just as expected Jess wasn't happy to hear that the guy Jake found himself dating was older than she was, but when she actually met him – and found out how calm and dependable Carlos was – she seemed less opposed to the idea. Still, the fact that Carlos was military – a sniper, it turned out – didn't stop her from threatening to murder him if he hurt her baby brother.

Carlos seemed unsurprised by the promise of violence and obviously took it to heart.

Jake was less smooth when Carlos' big sister Isabel gave him the same talk – the censored version, because her sons were nearby – but he suspected that the fear in his eyes was proof enough that he took her very, very seriously. Much to Carlos' horror, who said a couple of not so nice things to her in Spanish as soon as he found out.

It was a tiny bit adorable that Carlos felt a need to make sure that his family wasn't mistreating Jake.

Carlos needn't have worried though, since more often than not, Carlos' family seemed to be fighting over who would get to spoil Jake rotten. Jake had never, in his entire life, met a group of people more insistent about feeding him or been given so much attention from someone not related to him – and he was surrounded by kind, elderly ladies on a daily basis. He suspected that it might be his big blue eyes and the fact that he was still a bit thin despite his height, which made him look a lot more fragile than he actually was.

And protectiveness was clearly an Alvarez family trait.

Even Carlos' younger sister – who was a little more than a year older than Jake – seemed to feel a need to take care of him, even if it usually meant rescuing him from the rest of her family's insistent coddling. Lucia didn't talk much, obviously taking after her mother and Carlos, but she was friendly in her own way.

Jake loved Carlos' family.

He had been nervous and a tad bit scared at first but like usual that hadn't stopped him from being cheerful and talkative to the point of it almost being a character flaw. Luckily enough, no one had seemed to find it weird since all of them were used to Juan. If anything they found Jake adorable and endearing and did their best to welcome him with open arms.

He was honestly a bit surprised by the warm reception but in a way he guessed they all knew him – however superficially – from the convenience store. And sometimes Jake got the feeling that maybe Carlos had mentioned him to his family even before they started dating. He never asked though because it didn't really matter. As long as they liked him, Jake was happy.

They also enveloped Jess into their midst without any kind of fuss – she and Isabel got along just as well as Jake had feared because they would no doubt be unstoppable together – and Carlos' mother insisted Jess and Jake come for dinner once a week, even if Carlos might be away on a mission. They didn't seem to consider Jess and Jake to be extensions added because of Carlos as much as a part of the whole in their own right.

It was confusing but awesome and Jake couldn't be happier.

Without even trying or meaning to Jake and Jess were suddenly a part of the kind of big, happy family they had never really had before; which was probably one of the reasons that they were welcomed so effortlessly. The fact that Jess and Jake were virtually on their own with no one to rely on but each other shocked the members of the Alvarez clan – even Carlos. It was clearly unheard of to be abandoned and left to fend for yourself in their family.

Jake chose not to linger on the differences and merely embraced the fact that there were people willing to care for him without any kind of catch except maybe that he kept making Carlos happy. Because he obviously was, according to the well-trusted sources that were Carlos' siblings.

Jake made Carlos happy.

It had been tentative and a tiny bit uncertain at first, partly because of the misunderstandings still fresh between them but also the looming reminder of the age difference. It took them a couple of weeks before they found a balance that worked and got used to the thought of seeing each other on a regular basis, but once they had it felt like the most natural thing in the world.

It was quite ridiculous really how well they seemed to fit; something Jess wasn't late to remark upon. As soon as they were in the same room they had an almost fluid grace to how they acknowledged the other, always aware and attentive and more often than not touching somehow. It felt natural and easy. Perfect.

Jake was still young so maybe Carlos wasn't the person he would stay with for the rest of his life – it was impossible to tell – but Jake knew damn well that he would do his best to keep him for as long as he possibly could. Carlos made him smile and laugh, never seemed to tire of his incessant talking and gave him a place where he could belong.

Carlos made Jake happy and he was so grateful for having met him, however unlikely and uneven the road had been. It was all worth it in the end. It was more than Jake had ever dared to hope for.

So yeah, maybe working in retail wasn't so bad after all.

Jake certainly had no reason to complain.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For some reason I really like that kiss. The second one, I mean. The first one wasn't all that romantic xD
> 
> If I ever get the chance I would love to write this from Carlos' POV. The poor guy spent a lot of time in this fic being very confused. And yes: he talked about JJ with his family long before they got together (you would too considering how confusing JJ was). There were some truly glorious conversations between Carlos and Isabel that I would love to write down, but I don't have the time at the moment. So we'll see.
> 
> [CarpeDentum](http://archiveofourown.org/users/CarpeDentum) and [Jinxedambitions](http://archiveofourown.org/users/jinxedambitions) betaed - I am terribly grateful to both of you - and this here is my [Tumblr](http://amethystinawrites.tumblr.com/).
> 
> I hope the ending was happy and cute enough for you guys! :D Take care!


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